Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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