I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
