I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
