Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
