Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
