I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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