His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
