He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
