I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
