guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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