You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
