You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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