Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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