I smell stomach acid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
