I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
