fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She even gives head with a lisp.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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