You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
