And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ttyl tear gas
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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