Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
