eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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