her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
