can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
