Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
