Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
