I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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