i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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