dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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