I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
