I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
