yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
