Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
