He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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