Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
