my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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