I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
