you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
