I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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