If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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