you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
