it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
