I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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