He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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