dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
