he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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