And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
