We're like a lot better than the average bears
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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