using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just gargled with NyQuil
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
