im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
