Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
