AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
